Saturday, September 20, 2014

Broken Angels

Bill Nye was eliminated due to an injury and having low scores to start with. My reactions to each of his dances were as follows: Week 1: Yay it's the Science Guy! Week 2: Well that seemed a bit off. Was he supposed to do that or...oh he's hurt. Week 3: Is that supposed to be Tron? He's so adorkable...and he's going home.

I've been reading more tropes pages for Kingdom Hearts. While I'm still frustrated with the people who still claim Ienzo was always evil, I've managed to find an even dumber theory: Vanitas killed Ienzo's parents because he got bored one day and went on a killing spree but left Ienzo alive. Not likely. Ienzo isn't a mafioso out for revenge either (although comparing him to what Renge was having Honey act like in Ouran episode 4 makes it hilarious). Oddly enough, people who think Even is nice actually pissed me off a little bit. He's coldly polite, not humble (seriously he's a raging egomaniac). "Hey thanks for saving him. By the way he's an orphan." What kind of crap is that? Who says that? It's none of Ven's business. Anyway, at least the divide seems about 50/50 that some sympathize with them and were horrified by their graphic deaths while others just hate them because of the moral outrage of what they'd done. As broken as Ienzo already was however, another theory suggests that Xehanort and Braig had to break him even more to separate him from Ansem. When he was still a child. That's a scary thought.

Speaking of broken, I also read more tropes for the TGWTG team. It's very depressing how many of them have gone through tough times recently and when they were growing up. Many of them had even attempted suicide at some point [*this was originally posted before Justin]. It was a sad moment when I realized that the site is largely made up of broken angels who are not so different from myself. Just as Linkara has his storyline, I have mine. Care Bears 2 gives me strength no matter what the Critic (or Sage) says about it. Ienzo is my berserk button just as Lian is Linkara's. If I had any serious inclination toward filmmaking or had the technical skill or equipment I'd be right there with them. But I don't so I just write everything out instead.

*And then this happened...

Damn it, Justin! I'm more angry at him than depressed now. On January 23, Mr. Carmical took his own life. I didn't read the article post on the site because it closely resembled the title of the article announcing his departure from the site. Then Doug's video was posted tonight "In Loving Memory," and I knew something was wrong. I thought it might have been an accident or an illness of some kind, but nope, suicide. I'm still not going to read the article because if it gives details I don't want to know them, so please forgive any ignorance on my part as I ramble on. That damn song Doug used...I hate that song because it's so depressing (though the first time I heard it was at the end of an episode of Cold Case and that show always makes me cry). His advice at the end of the video...why couldn't he have followed it? How much of his upbeat personality was just an act? According to Doug, everyone is confused. But apparently this online community of Internet reviewers and commenters is full of depressed suicidal people. That's what makes me really depressed. And what was I doing on the 23rd? My boyfriend was sick and some jerks from PETA had been on his case and I couldn't take it anymore. The previous blog posts speak for themselves. How was I supposed to know that JewWario was unhappy when I had plenty of unhappiness of my own to deal with - petty, selfish unhappiness that I tried to take my mind off of with J-Pop music. Not that I knew the guy or anything, but it makes you think. And what did I do right after the video was over? I hesitated as I signed into YouTube, wondering what the point of it all was. I barely listened to Taka, Gan, and Lani play their games. I wondered if Suede would go through with his Pokemon 4Ever review if J-Dub had recorded for it already. Would it be in poor taste or would it turn out to be something special? Is that a dumb question to be asking? He'd already left the site, but still...things are never going to be quite right again, are they? It's not like Ma-Ti dying and Bhargo leaving the site. This is something else, something taboo and scary.
The article didn't have any more information in it. It was written by Rob and was his way of grieving. After Doug's video, I saw Suede's stream of consciousness and Lewis's Gameboy #3 review and Joe's video. That is a lot of sadness, and anger doesn't have a place in it. Aside from the confusion there was also guilt, it seemed. Helplessness. Frustration. Lots of jump cuts to cover up the crying. Every time they almost cried, I almost cried.

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