I'll admit I was never a fan of this kind of series; I've never read the Twilight books or seen the movies, nor am I a member of its target audience. When I was, however, I had a different opinion of vampires: that I would sooner stake one than try to get in his pants. Therefore, had Stephenie Meyer gone in a different direction with this, I might have bought into it a little more. No chance of that happening though.
The first novel would start as normal with Bella figuring out that Edward is a vampire (pretty much the only smart thing her character does as it's all downhill from there in the real series). Instead of being full-on attracted to him at first, she would lure him into the forest to confront him about his being a vampire and try to slay him. He would try to explain to her that he isn't the kind of vampire that preyed on humans, but she wouldn't believe him on the grounds that "there is no such animal." Then they would get attacked by the kind of vampires that do target humans, and he would help her fight them off, forging a friendship between them and keeping him and his kind off her slaying list. (I wasn't part of the Buffy generation so I don't know what that was like if it was closer to that or not.) If it happened to turn to romance like it inevitably does in these stories, regardless of the werewolf dimension, I would prefer it to be less convoluted than it is in the actual series. (Chester A. Bum: "What do you mean even the fans don't want to see it?!") Although they did change the ending of part 2, so, ha-ha I guess.
This is a premise I could have followed and believed. Like I said, there is no way she would have written something like this (which is her right, but oh well). If anyone else already has a series like this (or if I'm totally stupid and Buffy was exactly like this), someone please let me know. Looking back to when I read the My Babysitter is a Vampire series when I was a tween, I can see now that it was cheesy and stupid, but at least the main characters weren't bimbos like Bella.
Forget Orlando Bloom. Stephenie Meyer has ruined everything.
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I pieced together a family picture of Ansem and his apprentices (minus Xehanort) and was going to do the same for Erauqs and those three but I found one that someone else did that was better. I also drew up a fan theory family tree that shows how No Heart and Dark Heart were brothers (their mom was the spirit of the book before she got trapped in it) and that Shrieky is No Heart's niece because she's the daughter of Dark Heart and Christy. I guess they'd been trying to keep her away from him for a while until eventually got a hold of her, and that means he probably killed them or something to do it. And that made me sad all over again. But then I found a motivational poster that made me happy: someone said that the relationship between Christy and Dark Heart is better than Twilight. Damn right it is.
Okay, so you know what I think of Twilight, but there are some parodies I would like to talk about. I enjoy the ones that make fun of it, like the ones I have already mentioned. However, I don't like the vampire trend as a whole, particularly things that like to suck on the success of it. The biggest offender of everything in that genre is Wizards of Waverly Place. It started ripping off of Harry Potter to some degree, but then vampires got popular and so they had to address that. And the werewolves. Then all the other pop culture fetishes had to get thrown in too, like zombies and angels (see Nostalgia Chick's City of Angels review). If anything, it only amuses me that the actress who played the vampire Juliet became a Dusk fan in Good Luck Charlie.
iCarly's spoof of Twilight "Moonlight Twiblood" was funny because they were making fun of it, but the added joke was that the fan girls still found Freddie attractive because of his performance. Substituting Carly's Idiot Farm Girl character for Bella was genius. "You're stupid!" she giggles at Freddie's character when he moodily refuses to act in any capacity as her vampire boyfriend other than sitting on her bed. I don't care for the rest of the episode, but that skit was pretty awesome. There was also this book about a vampiric rabbit I read about the same time as the Babysitter series called Bunnicula, but that was kind of silly.
I haven't seen Vampires Suck, but I guess that would be a given. To be honest, though, I lost interest in that franchise after renting the uncut version of Epic Movie. Otherwise, the only werewolf I like is Lupin; Taylor Lautner will always be remembered by me as Sharkboy and Robert Pattinson as Cedric Diggory. In any case, I think Travis Willingham said it best: Werewolves aren't people who can turn into huge wolves, and vampires don't sparkle.
Unless you're an alicorn princess named Twilight Sparkle.
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